Well, the first thing I have to admit is that I go out and drink on a pretty regular basis. Usually once during the week and once on the weekend, but sometimes more. I like to wear goofy, funny t-shirts on these outings because I find that they make great conversation starters. On the night in question, I decided to wear a shirt that read, "Don't Kanye me or I'll Chris Brown you and Tiger Woods your mom." In my opinion, that's a great shirt. Anyone who know anything about those three celebrities has an opinion about what they did and will jump into a conversation about them.

I went to my local bar and met up with my friends for a few scotches and a few beers, with a slight chance for a romantic encounter later. This was a Wednesday, so the bar was lightly populated and mostly with folks I knew. The shirt I was wearing was the newest of my funny t-shirts, so it was a pretty big hit. People laughed and we had a great time together doing what drinking people do. I played some darts, I dropped some bills into the jukebox, and the night wore onward. Good times were had by all.

My funny t-shirts were always a hit, but this one was getting lots of attention. Maybe because it was so soon after the whole Taylor Swift incident, or maybe people are just sick and tired of Kanye West. Who knows, really. All I know is that I was getting super-drunk and I had passed the point of caring about what funny t-shirts I was wearing or about the massive hangover I was sure to have tomorrow. Beer turned into whiskey and that, in turn, became boilermakers. Do you know how stupid a boilermaker can make you? If you don't know, then good for you. You're winning.

Closing time came and went and I only had one drunk friend left to see me safely to an all-night diner for something greasy to eat. Eating greasy food is extremely important when it comes to dealing with extremely drunkenness. We took a cab there and I'm almost surprised that the driver didn't get drunk just from the fumes coming off of us. We walked into the diner and collapsed into a booth, giggling about how drunk we probably looked. That was when I heard someone say in a strong, black voice, "Hey, nice shirt." What shirt? I'm wearing funny t-shirts?

I am not a fighter, I'll admit. I usually fend off fights with a witty quip and a disarming smile. When I've drank boilermakers all night, however, there is no chance of that happening whatsoever. Whoever was about to fight me, would only meet drunken slaps in opposition. I turned around, and lost all my will to fight or insult. The two guys sitting in the booth behind me were twin goliaths. Giant, angry-looking, black guys in suits. What in the world had I gotten myself into with my funny t-shirts? I stared at them with a look of shock on my face forever, but they couldn't maintain for long. They broke out laughing, and I gave an uneasy smile. It turns out that they were security guys for Kanye, and they disliked him about as much as anyone could.

I will probably never see those guys again, but I'm sure they browsed websites full of funny t-shirts until they found that Kanye West shirt. I'm also certain I was too drunk to tell them where I got it, even though they asked more than once. The whole situation could have gone much worse. Kanye West could have been craving some greasy diner food that night and been there himself. I might have been seriously scolded by an uptight pop singer.