Ho ho ho. No? Fine. Not everyone can do it and sound like Santa himself anyway. But for those who actually can sound and look like him, that is impressive. To have the slightly pinkish face, white hair, and white beard? Way to rock Father Christmas. There are a lot of those in Dallas, we hear. So if you are looking for one to host as Mr. Claus himself, then take a walk around the place and get you Dallas Santa For Hire.

Next to think about? Well, remember Radagast from The Hobbit, There and Back Again? That old wizard that always gets high. That funky paranoid fella? Yeah, him. Have a fun party with him as Father Christmas. Imagine him in red instead of brown.

Think about it. It may be risky to get some shady hoodlums to act as Mr. Claus. Especially when in malls, kids are supposed to sit on their laps and talk to them about what they want for Christmas. But when you hire them, they would get money and they would have something to eat during this holiday.

One less sad person, right? And it is only for the holidays. Though, to be honest, the smell might be a problem. How long do you think they have gone without taking a bath? Do we really want those people close to our kids?

But that cartoon not to be taken seriously. South Park is known for being controversial, satirical and all out cruel. Hilarious, yes, but very crude. But it has been known as a masterpiece and has taught this humble writer a lot of things concerning some topic issues we never even heard of from this side of the globe.

Tywin Lannister. Silence. We know. But if you pause and actually imagine him as your Santa, actually no. Nevermind. It sounds like a bad idea. The scariest and most badass character wearing the colors of red and gold, who also died in the toilet, walking in the halls wearing red and white garb. Well. What a way to haunt everybody and their nightmares.

In the case that the Santa you hire tolerates, even adores children, give him an extra tip. They are probably grandfathers who have grandchildren. They are the type to spoil and love children unconditionally no matter how nasty a kid is. These people are admirable. Maybe even at a lower tier than teachers.

Or how about Ser Barristan Selmy? The Commander of the Kings Guard back in Kings Landing. Then he became one to Daenerys Targaryen later. He was as honorable as Ned Stark and as skilled as the Kingslayer, if not more. Someone that precious has to be the perfect one for this.

But if you are a man that also fits the bill, then do it yourself? Cheaper that way, you know? You may even get other people to hire you next year. It will give you additional money on top of your own salary. It serves as a nice back up too in case of emergencies. Plus, this makes a good story to tell your own grandchildren.